Thursday, March 29, 2007

Announcing the first Pink Velour Cake Award!

Life, Liberty, & Vodka Tonics is proud to introduce a new semi-regular feature:

The Pink Velour Cake Award!

Long-time readers will recall my attempts at making red velvet cake, which resulted in the affectionately nicknamed pink velour cake.

Exhibit A: Crap on a Cake Plate

And so, dear friends, LL&VT will now be awarding the Pink Velour Cake Award for excellence in culinary disaster!

This week’s recipient is my sister’s friend and coworker, Liz, for her amazing expanding meatloaf. Behold…

What’s that you ask? How can something as simple as meatloaf go so horribly wrong?

As I understand it, the meatloaf had a sort of allergic reaction to the topping- swelling up like spray insulation. It seems this particular meatloaf recipe involves Grape Nuts cereal and those little nuggets can expand mighty fast. Do you remember those little capsules we got as kids- you’d drop them into hot water and ten minutes later have a dinosaur shaped sponge? Kind of like that, only apparently quite delicious. (Which I totally believe… because the recipe has THREE POUNDS OF MEAT in it- how can that NOT be scrumptious???)

Anywho- mazel tov, Liz! You are our very first Pink Velour Cake Award winner!

Want to nominate yourself or someone you know for a Pink Velour Cake Award? Just send an email describing the dish, what went wrong, any hilarioius hijinks associated with the creation of the dish, and (preferably) a photo of the disaster in jpeg format. Send submissions to LL&VT reserves the right to reject entries that are boring, sucky, or appear to have been sent by Republicans.

**LL&VT would like to remind you that this award does not come with any cash value, prizes, or any other redeeming qualities. The Pink Velour Cake Award is not suitable for résumés. LL&VT is not liable for any injuries or damages incurred while celebrating this award with alcohol consumption.


Tara said...

OMG Lauren, this had me cracking up at my desk for so long that I thought I was going to literally "bust a gut." I have been thinking through all of my kitchen disasters and unfortunately the food would always turn out good but I would end up maimed in some way. My fave was the thumb slicing with the fancy pampered chef mandolin. The blood covered coutertop was really appetizing. Maybe you should make a bloody band-aid award for us kitchen clutzes.

Lady Liberal said...

tee hee! Glad I could entertain! :)
I think you get your own post all about your propensity to get wounded in the kitchen. Email me some more and I'll get to work! :)

Suburban Hostage said...

If only we had taken pictures of the most recent disaster ... I am the world's worst cook and baker and have never met anyone who could really compete. Now that I write this, how has my husband gained so much weight this year? I wonder if he is eating out before he comes home. This is really sad.

Lady Liberal said...

Or maybe he just keeps eating more, hoping it will get better... :)
Send me a good story from your cooking mayhem and I'll award you a PVCA and link to your blog!
BTW... I completely related to your feeling of not fitting in- my community is also conservative and cliquey. Remind me to tell you sometime about the stories that circulated about me after I moved in with soon-to-be-Husband... suffice to say I pride myself on being the 'hood whore! :)