Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Some Friendly Campaign Advice

One of my favorite people in the whole entire world who also happens to work for a queer issues non-profit sent this to me. It made my whole day. Enjoy!

Dear John McCain:
I am writing because it appears you may have, what we call in the non-profit community, a "crazies" problem. In our non-profit work, especially work that may be issue specific, we often have "crazies" who pop up around our service areas. Let me give you a few examples:
  • We have a member in smaller part of our state who likes to send long ranting e-mails to our Executive Director about how, as a doctor, he believes the "Transgenders" are all power-hungry, sick-o men in lipstick. What this man fails to mention in his ranting e-mails is that he had his license revoked by the American Medical Association for inappropriate conduct. However, this "doctor" is NOT shy about telling me, in front of his teenage daughter, that said teenage daughter is mentally ill and her wicked mother forced her to take the stand and testify against him in a court case. This man, Senator McCain, is a crazy.
  • We have a young man member in a suburb of a major city where a conservative, evangelical mega-church is also located. Recently this young man called me to tell me that he was planning a direct action in an attempt to get the mega-church leadership and membership to "engage in dialog about the homophobia preached from their pulpit." I asked said young man what exactly the preachers have said. Said Young Man responded that he has never attended services at this church, but he just knows they preach hate. I asked Said Young Man what action he was planning to encourage dialog. Said Young Man replied, "Well, we are going to dress all in black and lie down on their sidewalk and entry walkways with signs saying they are homophobic and preaching hate which causes people to die. We are going to block them from entering the church. I know this might get a few people arrested, but we really want to open dialog between gay people and this church." Though his crazy may be slightly mitigated by his youthful zeal, Said Young Man is a crazy.

So, you may be asking yourself, my friend, what do The Homosexual Agenda Crazies have to do with the Straight Talk Express Campaign for Mavericks and Pitt-Bulls with Lipstick for the White House? Well, Senator McCain, this has to do with leadership. There are times to ignore the crazies, such as when they send crazy e-mails to your Executive Director. Then, my friend, there are time when you must reign in your crazies. I spoke at length with Said Young Man, trying to help him to understand that a hostile action preventing folks from worshiping as they choose is perhaps not the best way to open dialog. Perhaps Said Young Man would encourage a more productive response by say, sending a letter to the lead pastor asking for a meeting or inviting the congregation to a ecumenical worship service with the Unitarian Universalists or maybe even inviting the congregants to a picnic full of queers following their Sunday morning services.

This is where you come in, my friend Senator McCain. Joe the Plumber, while an unregistered voter, an unlicensed plumber, and an ower of back taxes may NOT be a crazy, your supporters who have smashed car windows, heckled black voters, and left dead bear cubs on college campuses are your crazies. No, perhaps you did not directly incite the crazies, but, none the less, my friend, they are your crazies, and they are looking to you for leadership. How about spending some of that big Republican stock market windfall profi-..... er... some of the public funds you took to run an "honest, American campa-"..wait..... um... some money to buy a few ads. I suggest the ads include the following:

"My friends, my fellow Americans, my crazies. I am your leader. And, as your leader, I am telling you to get your happy asses in line. We are Americans. We are trying to take back the White House from those liberal agenda social- no... from the deregulating Bush Admin-... for Main Street! Yeah, for Main Street! And standing on the corner of Main Street with pictures of dead fetuses and monkeys in turbans, yellin' at voters like there were life-hating women entering an abortion mill in the late 1990s is NOT an effective means to help me win this election. I am John McCain, and I approve this message, and I suggest you hot-mess crazies go get some therapizing."


A Concerned Community Organizer

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

At least he didn't say "you betcha...."

A dear old college friend of mine works as a Development Manager for a non-profit in Washington, DC. This is a professional woman, with an MA under her belt and an extremely poised and articulate demeanor. There is absolutely nothing about her or her position that would suggest she is not the sort of woman to be taken seriously. She is, however, very very petite and looks damn near a decade or two younger than she actually is and she's not even 30 yet. But if you speak to her for five seconds, you'd know that her impish youthful looks are obviously in contrast with the "content of her character" so to speak.
Aaalll that being said, let me tell you about her day today. She participated in an interview team. They were interviewing a candidate for a Vice-President position... senior level management. The sort of position in which ... oh... say... a minimum standard of professional conduct and non-HR-problem behavior could be expected. Right.
At the end of the interview, the candidate shook everyone's hands. And while he was shaking my friend's hand... GAVE HER A BIG OL' WINK.
Seriously? You WINK at a person INTERVIEWING YOU FOR A JOB? And a WOMAN interviewing your male ass for a job? UGH! I can just hear the inner dialogue. "Awww... hey there, little lady... see how endearing and charming I am? Don't ya just wanna give me a job? I know you gals love a little flirt on the way out! Gets to ya every time!"
I blame Sarah Palin. With one debate she has single-handedly turned a completely inappropriate sickeningly cutesy gesture into something people think constitutes charm.

Monday, October 06, 2008

Some Southern Charm about the VP Debate

All right... this Palin shit has gotten out of hand!

Bad enough she's inexperienced, smug, deceitful, and arrogant.
Bad enough she can't name a single Supreme Court case other than Roe v. Wade
Bad enough she thinks $5K a year in tax credits will cover our health care.
Bad enough this woman keeps calling herself a feminist when she's actually the anti-Christ of the women's movement.


Someone who has lived her whole life in FREAKIN' ALASKA has NO RIGHT saying "bless their hearts"!

Bitch probably orders unsweetened tea, too.

Thursday, October 02, 2008

Hello? Anyone home?

Sorry for the down time. Vivi hasn't beeen sleeping well. OK, so that's an understatement. My child is obviously an operative for the CIA because I don't know where else she could have learned to use sleep deprivation tactics so effectively. She's been up almost every hour every night for the last two weeks. I am a walking experiment in human endurance. Take THAT, David Blaine, you candy-ass mofo!

But here... have something funny and politically relevant. It will help to pass the time and it also makes you look less nuts for sitting at your desk laughing to yourself. (You know... if you needed that kind of help... not that anyone I know does... right.)