Wednesday, March 11, 2009

For Sale...or Trade... Hell, I'll pay YOU.

Hey there! Yes, you! Step right up for the DEAL OF THE CENTURY!

What's that you say? You're a doctor/sanitation worker/teacher/farmer and you need to get up ridiculously early every morning? Say... 4:30 a.m.? EVERY. DAY.

Have I got a bargain for you!

For a very low price (so low we can't even mention it here) you can have this:

(see... she even handles the paperwork!)

It's the Vivi-matic 3000! Wakes you up persistently and reliably every single morning at 4:30 on the dot! And she comes with these amazing features!

  • No pesky snooze buttonn to tempt you into oversleeping!

  • Escalating volume ensures you will eventually awake, no matter how sound a sleeper you are!

  • Bonus good-morning diaper included on random occasions for extra surprise fun!

  • Also acts as a weight-loss aid by demanding 1/2 of your breakfast no matter what you put in her bowl!

To order this amazing product, call me. Price negotiable. Free express delivery!

Monday, March 09, 2009

Reports of my death are highly exaggerated...

Surprise! It's your favorite (ok.... at least not your least favorite) blogger rising from the ashes. There's so much to report. My life has changed so much (for the good!) in the last few months and oh, how my sweet girl has grown. And as soon as the Nap Gods smile upon me, I'll fill you in on it all. But for now, behold the cuteness:

And in the current events realm...

Stay tuned...