Oh, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry….
I will never rejoice in someone else’s death. It’s unkind and mean-spirited, things I endeavor not to be. Besides, no matter how awful of a hypocritical hate-mongering self-righteous piece of shit you were, you were somebody’s Uncle/Daddy/Grandpa hypocritical hate-mongering self-righteous piece of shit. Those folks are hurting because you’re gone. I don’t like to see anyone hurt… even right wing freaks. (Well, maybe a little...)
And while I won’t rejoice in Falwell’s death, there is a little part of me that’s wondering how the trip to the other side went for ol’ Jer. I imagine it went something like this:
St. Peter: Welcome to the afterlife! What was your name in creation?
Falwell: Why, you should know me! I’m Reverend Jerry Falwell! And I am here to live eternally in the grace and glory of the Lord! I have done his work on Earth- I fought the gays and the feminists and the Teletub-
St. Peter: Right. Right. Falwell, you said?
Falwell: Yes, REVEREND Falwell. Will I be fitted for wings right away? ‘Cause I brought a nice gilded set that Pat Robertson gave me…
St. Peter: Uh… not exactly. Reverend, would you do me a favor? Just stand by these elevators right here- the ones with all “down” buttons.
Falwell: Down buttons? You’re sending me back? Is this a near-death experience? That’s perfect! Think of the testimony!
St. Peter: You might want to leave that suit here- wool is probably not your best choice of fabrics.
Falwell: Well, fine. I’m normally opposed to nudity of any kind, but I understand. I shall re-enter the world as I first came into it… stripped bare, a perfect and innocent creation, washed clean by faith!
St. Peter: Is that tie flame-retardant?
St. Peter: How 'bout the toupee? Will that melt?
Falwell: Melt? Wha- I don't... surely....
St. Peter: Any sulfur allergies?
St. Peter: Yeah…