My child? She crawls. And claps her hands. And bobs her head to music.
But dear GOD… the CRAWLING. The cat now lives in a constant state of fear. My house looks like we’re preparing for flood waters with everything elevated and such. And I think someone should have told me that children develop the urge to stick little pointer fingers in electrical outlets VERY VERY EARLY.
In non-baby-related news, it has recently come to my attention that I’m the only living person who can’t bear to use text message abbreviations and lingo. I am physically and psychologically incapable of hitting the “send” button on something that only vaguely resembles the English language in written form. I blame college. Pesky college! I earned a BA in English only after living through courses like Advanced Grammar in which Dr. Sadist had us DIAGRAM THE PREAMBLE TO THE CONSTITUTION. It’s clear to me now that I didn’t really need that course to successfully write for a living. The only real purpose could have been to instill in me a phobia of modern linguistic shorthand and a crippling inability to relax where sentence structure is concerned.
But seriously… my text messages? They contain semi-colons where appropriate and capital letters and completely spelled-out words and entirely too much information for what should be an abbreviated form of communication. Let’s look at an example:
A normal human’s text message:
“r u @ work?”
Lauren’s text message:
“Are you at work or at home? If you’re at home, call me, please.”
I’m well aware that I am unforgivably anal retentive and geeky.