Friend J

Email Exchange Between Me and Friend J in California:

ME: I am so so sad about this Amish school shooting. How far into the depths of hell do you go for shooting AMISH CHILDREN?????

J: Pretty far. I believe it's the "Circle of Total Bastards."

ME: Exactly. Why can't any of these crazy people at least do something helpful during their homicidal rampages? Like shooting that senator who was soliciting pages? Or Anne Coulter? R. Kelly maybe? I mean, if you're going to take your own life in a hail of gunfire, at least let the final act you're remembered for be something GOOD FOR THE WORLD.

J: I always love how it's the repressed republicans who wind up involved in bizarre (icky) sexual tawdriness.

ME: Yep, and have you noticed it’s always the ones who have introduced legislation to crack down on these kinds of things? Like this guy- who introduced that bill in ’03 cracking down on pedophiles? Ah, self-loathing… very useful!


And later:
ME: Cauliflower is a wretched, God-forsaken vegetable suitable only for inducing vomiting in poison victims.