Wednesday, February 27, 2008

From the "WTF????" Files

Seriously? We’re going to waste even more federal resources on this bullshit? I mean, not like we have a WAR on or an upcoming election for the LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD… let’s have the government worry about whether Roger Clemens took a needle to the ass and lied about it! Folks, I’m sorry, but this is A) not the government’s business and B) not really what I’d call a priority even if it was the government’s business.
“But the integrity of our national heroes is coming into question!”
I have a couple of problems with this. One, sports figures shouldn’t be heroes. They’re just sports figures. This is the big mistake we make- assuming that people with athletic ability are somehow more valuable than the rest of us and can be assumed to be good people. Not true on either count. This whole practice of deifying pro athletes puts tremendous value on something (the aforementioned athletic ability) that hasn’t really been especially beneficial to mankind since we quit having to kill large wild beasts for sustenance. (So please explain to me why they get $7 million a year to throw a ball and I get my considerably smaller salary for protecting healthcare for the elderly?) There are some really crappy people in pro athletics, just like there are some really crappy people down at your local mega-mart. And vice versa- good folks in both arenas too. When we expect someone to be a better person just because they can hit a lot of homeruns, we’re setting ourselves up for disappointment. There’s nothing altruistic about being a pro athlete- you play a game you love for a buttload of money. I’m not knocking it- would that I could have such a career, with the loving and the buttload of money. But it still wouldn’t mean I’m worthy of someone’s respect or admiration. Before you point to all the “community service” performed by athletes, let us note that A) most of them do it as mandated by a team, league, or US court system and B) it is not typically their life’s mission. I’m not saying that makes them bad people- just not heroes. They’re entertainers, nothing more. If you were expecting heroic integrity from Roger Clemens or any other athlete, well, you’re kind of an idiot in the first place. So Congress, for the love of God, just let the damn players get all ‘roided up and hit balls to the moon. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter to anyone except the women who will be sorely disappointed by the state of their testicles. Get back to trying to keep soldiers alive and making sure my next President isn’t a lying war-mongering zealot.

Too Pretty To Fly
OK, again… seriously?? “Um… see… like… we’re young and cute and these flight attendants, they were just all hatin’ on us! ‘Cause we’re pretty! And we didn’t do ANYTHING!”
Did anyone else catch the part where one of them got into a profanity-laden heated dispute with another passenger over the restroom? Methinks that might have been what got you into trouble. Perhaps before your ego eats the rest of your capacity for responsibility and reason, you should take some time to reflect.
I’m mean, REALLY! The arrogance! And what’s worse is that CNN picked it up! Shame on you, CNN… I expect this kind of crap from… oh, I don’t know… TMZ… or FoxNews… but you?
Oh, I know… I’m just mad ‘cause you’re so pretty.

I have to go get my rage under control before Congress asks me to testify. Here- my cute child should help:

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