Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Redneck Semantics

Apparently, despite seven plus years of higher education in English-language-related fields, I have been left with a horrible deficit in my skills. Did you know that fleeing the scene of an accident is NOT the same as just leaving it?

A city councilman for one of the local municipalities was arrested for DUI this week. The facts of the case are being reported thus:
Councilman pulls out of a driveway.
Councilman smacks into the back of a PARKED TRUCK.
Councilman does not stop, but rather continues on to his son’s home where eventually authorities are called.
Councilman had consumed significant enough amounts of alcohol to still fail sobriety tests by the time police arrive at his son’s home.

Pretty straightforward, right? Enter the aforementioned son. He appeared on the local news looking very professional in his Grizzly-Adams-esque beard, NASCAR t-shirt, and trucker hat. This dutiful son proceeded to explain that his father:
“isn’t known as a ‘drunk’, as ya might say.”
“didn’t really flee the accident, he just leaved.” (Yes, “leaved”.)

Now, I don’t know this man, so I cannot attest to his reputation. He may indeed not be known as a drunk. But when you are intoxicated enough to hit a PARKED VEHICLE at 1:00 p.m. on a weekday… well, I’m not sure you really need reputation to precede you.

And I hate to squabble over wording, but those seven years in school did teach me a thing or two about synonyms and context. It would seem to me that unless you leaved after the police arrived and gave you permission to do so, to flee and to leaved are about the same when it involves your departure from the site of a traffic accident.

The other high point was when the son said Councilman was “seventy-somethin’” years old. That part I understand, since I’m not so good with the cipherin’ myself. But if you’re going to be on television, at least get Maw to pull out the family Bible and find a neighbor who can subtract.

There is a small rock-star-wannabe part of me that’s sort of impressed. You’re 70-something and you can still party like that before sundown?

Rock on, Councilman. Rock on.

Just call a cab next time.

1 comment:

Kami said...

He leaved, eh? Well, uhhhhh? Hmmmm...